Ask The Expert
Personal Work-Life Effectiveness
Question 1: Dear Expert, I’ve been working late in the office for the past 3 months and I hardly get to see my family. Despite my overtime work, my colleagues seem to be doing so much better than me. This is getting me down and I want to improve the situation that I’m currently in.
| It can be frustrating when you are putting in your best efforts and do not experience the results that you wish for. However, it is good that you are trying to improve the situation.One suggestion is to observe your colleagues in terms of know-how and mindsets. What are some of the work systems they use to increase efficiency and productivity? How do they approach work demands and projects? Pressure can cause us to worry and focus on negative outcomes instead of employing creativity and a learning attitude. Self reflection will keep self blame at bay and also help in understanding and identifying whether it is a skill deficit, confusion about expectations and goals, or if stress is the obstacle.Do consider talking to your supervisor about your difficulties as he/she has real and pertinent knowledge that can help you achieve your goals. In addition, turning to a trusted friend, colleague or coach can help you see things from a different perspective and gather more suggestions.While trying out solutions at work, spending time with the family can help fill the emotional tank and recharge your energy. Improved work systems can help you complete your work during office hours. Remind yourself at the end of the work day, that you have invested what you can, then go home and enjoy your family time for the rest of the evening. |
Question 2: Dear Expert, my husband brings home his laptop home and works through the night. He insists that there is work to complete. How do I nicely tell him not to let work into our family time?
| In our fast-paced society, many people feel that they have “no choice” but to work long hours in order to meet the expectations of their bosses and clients. Your husband could also believe that excelling in his job is the best way to provide for the family. If that is the case, he would welcome appreciation and affirmations for the sacrifice he is making and will be open to exploring some options with you. As he may not fully understand your family’s need for connection, it may help for him to hear how much he is missed. Joy from the family at seeing him step into the home helps to get the message across as well. If he feels stretched for time, help him commit to small chunks of quality time such as reading or playing with the children for 15minutes. Going for a short walk with you not only allows you to bond, it also allows him to exercise to de-stress. When the weekend rolls around, the family can plan for more family time. |
Responses to this issue of Ask the Expert have been provided by Morning Star Community Services’ Principal Therapist, Kelvyanne Teoh.
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